Posted by: chrisdavis | June 14, 2011

The (Lonely) Homeschooled Girl


[I am reposting this article which I wrote some time ago, but I felt to re-release it for those who have never seen it. I would appreciate some feedback, especially from parents of homeschooled girls]

She lives in a small town in Tennessee, or in a subdivision in North Carolina, or on a ranch in Montana.

She may be 15 or she may be a college graduate. Either way, odds are not many boys have ever paid much attention to her. She may wonder if she will ever get married. She is lonely.

What’s her problem? The answer is (not so) simple: She is different.

She doesn’t particularly like being different. She may tell you she doesn’t care; but she does.

Behind her back, her peers say she is a snob. Her mom says the other girls are jealous. That doesn’t help much. So she tries to be friendly and kind but that doesn’t help much, either. She may be shunned by other girls and ignored by boys.

She is different and who wants to be different? Nobody likes others who are different and nobody likes being different, either.

I have met many homeschooled girls like her as I have traveled and spoken at conferences around the world. Each girl thinks she is the only one with these feelings. But, there are many, many just like her. If they ever found one another, there would be a huge group hug. And, yes, probably lots of tears.

If they ever found one another, they would talk. Not about what girls normally talk about because they don’t care about the same things other girls care about. Their talk wouldn’t center around boys or movies or how stupid some other girl is (or their parents are). They would talk about their families and about what interests them and about God. They would pray together and for one another.

The girl from Tennessee who is 15: one of her “problems” is that she is more like 15 going on 21. The girl who has graduated from college without meeting her future husband: she has been told many times to have faith. Mister Right will surely show himself soon. She struggles to believe it and to trust God for her future family.

These girls are different. Not because of how they dress or how much makeup they do (or don’t) wear. It has little to do with externals. But it has everything to do with their Father and what He has done inside them, what He has made important to them. They are just different, whether they like being different or not. Everyone can tell.

Why do I keep using this word different? It is because of what the word implies. In the Bible, the word holy means to be separate, and the kind of “separate” about which the Bible speaks makes a person different. This separation is not so much a separation from something as it is a separation unto some One. Simply put: being separate unto the Lord causes one to be different.

So, being different is the obvious expression of the word holy (hagios). These kids are different in that the Lord has placed within them something which makes them holy [separate] unto Him. It’s not so much that they are trying to be something they are not. Rather, because this is something God has done in them, it is something they are!

God has separated them from the kind of things normal young people find important. The 15 year old seems to have skipped teenager-ism (what our culture labels those years young people separate themselves from their families and the values in which their families believe). She may struggle with what God has done. It certainly often makes a girl lonely. But she is different and it is the work of God, Himself.

It is not always easy to encourage these girls. Loneliness is no fun. Telling a girl to “have faith” can sound pretty shallow, even if she knows it’s the truth.

This is a holy generation. It is a generation set apart unto Him. It is a generation of young people the world has not seen in so long it doesn’t remember what holiness looks like; acts like. The purposes of God rest on our children being willing to walk “in the world” but, at the same time, separated from it. The world waits for a people to show them that a relationship with God isn’t a religious put-on, but is worth giving one’s life to.

Our girls have been created by God to show everyone what the Bride of Christ looks like, sounds like, acts like, believes like. This is an honorable occupation. We need to deeply respect our girls for what they have been called to be and do (as well as not be and not do). They need to be encouraged to understand who they are to a world (and, yes, even to a Church) who desperately needs to see the kind of Lady Jesus is returning for.

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Responses

  1. I read this article several years ago, perhaps when you first wrote it. I’m thinking this may actually be an article that you asked for girls’ feedback on at that point, and mine responded, although, I could be wrong about that.

    This applies to my 2nd daughter to some extent. She has definitely always been “different”, but somehow God always seemed to give her a few like minded friends along the way…not to mention that she and her older sister were best friends. I do remember certain slumber parties and other places where she felt lonely, though, because she wasn’t like the others. And, the high school years seemed to be the worst. Some of those who were like minded, no longer were, some moved away. she found herself for a few years without those like minded friends outside the home. She never dated through high school, but that didn’t bother her. Even in the theater after high school, where she is certainly “different”, God provided a girl 3 years younger than her, and they hit it off like sisters in her very first show. They are best friends, next to her sister, and though there have many many instances of not fitting in and some loneliness, there was always Holly, who lived an hour away. She had her first date at 19, and at almost 22 is now married.

    The one who pops strongly into my mind is my oldest. She was very lonely outside the home growing up. She is quiet, introspective, definitely “different” from all of the other girls she was around, and felt the call to ministry in 4th grade. In her ballet classes and at church, no one ever made an attempt to include her, except for some much younger girls. She desperately wanted friends, but knew nothing of makeup, boys, teachers, and other girls they would discuss. Nor did she want to. She wanted to discuss important, deep things, maybe some fun, not-so-deep things, too, but innocent fun things. Many, many tears were shed over those years. She longed for friendship, but there was never anyone even close to like minded. Not that she was better….just different. The homeschool group and church were no different for her. I’m not sure why the difference between the two….why God provided a few for her sister along the way, but never her. I have always wondered if it was some type of preparation for her ministry.

    Fast forward to now, she is soon to be 25. When she was 23, she went on full time, year round staff at a Christian Camp, which is where she feels called to minister. Her first summer as staff, they plummeted her right onto stage (with a knee knocking fear of stages, microphones, and groups), and said, “Lead this…and this…and this.” By mid summer, she was not only confident on stage and in front of groups, but she was adored by everyone. It took many months for that to sink in. “See? People like you! You are good just like you are. They like you just like you are”. In the last year God has placed 3 or 4 girls in her life, who she feels a connection to, plus many other guys and girls she can hang out with and have fun. It has been a breath of fresh air for her, an answer to prayer. In the winter, she still has a lot of alone time..she lives on 360 acres with 5 people….and she has a large need for loved ones to be around her….but, God has begun to fill some of that longing in her heart.

    At 24, she also hasn’t met “Mr. Right”, and that’s the part that she still has to really put her trust in the Lord. She chose not to date as a teen, and the Lord protected her all those years. But, sometimes that protection can feel like, “I’m not attractive. Guys don’t like me. What’s wrong with me?” Over the last few years, there have been several who have caught her eye as interesting, but nothing ever came of it. She only recently went on her first date. They’ve decided to just remain friends. She knows her call to ministry is sure, and she knows that the man she marries will also be in ministry. It’s a hard wait, as she longs for someone to love her and for children. She knows it is worth the wait, but I’ve known for a good while now, not to tell her God has someone special for her. : ) She knows that, but it doesn’t make it any easier.

    I have 2 more girls…sigh : )….. not really; I adore my girls. But, I also see what’s coming. My 3rd, who is 14, has been lonely for friends for a while, but recently we have been able to connect with a few girls close in age, and we get them together for Girls and Moms night once a month. I am thankful that God has at least temporarily provided a place for her to feel comfortable and have that companionship.

    I have to say, too, that in spite of the struggles, I am very thankful for the place God has called each of my girls to. It is who He made them to be, the path He chose for them to follow, the calling He put in their hearts, and as their perfect Designer, He knows exactly how to work it out in each of their lives. God tells us in His Word that being set apart will be lonely, and while that’s hard for a young woman to understand some times, the blessings He has in store for them will be phenomenal! My oldest can really see the work God has done in her life this past year, and it amazes her, and she is blessed by it. If it doesn’t already, one day the loneliness will probably make sense to her, too.

    • Letitia: What an amazing post! You should have been the one to write this article. I know the Father of “your” girls has something amazing in store for them. The story of Hudson Taylor has never been far from my mind. He tried to find a woman who would marry him and go to China with him. But none agreed. So, off he went to China wife-less. What he didn’t know is that an English girl was growing up in China and it was this girl who was waiting for the Lord to bring her a husband in a place where no young men “of her kind” lived. But, the Lord was raising each one for the other. A great story to lift the faith of those whose lives are totally given to Him.

    • While looking online for resources for my daughter, I stumbled across this thread. It’s the closest content I’ve found that gets to exactly what my daughter is struggling with. She is 15, my only child, and is doing cyber school and is very lonely. The loneliness and boredom is developing into depression. I am wondering if a support group for girls in this situation exists? I saw a suggestion for one but it was few years ago. Does anyone else have a child with a need to connect to others with similar challenges? My daughter also has ADD, the inatttentive type and although she makes friends easily, she has also had trouble keeping friends. Even though there is no scarcity of resources for ADHD, I have not been able to find a support group for teens with ADHD. Any help wouild be so appreciated, Thanks.

      • Kathy, I have looked for ADD and ADHD in girls on Facebook and there are a couple of groups you might want to look at. Otherwise, I will just wait to see if anyone else comments on your post. For some reason, your post is sandwiched into other, older posts and I almost didn’t see it. CD

        • Thank you for your response. I haven’t used Facebook but will look into it
          now. Kathy

  2. This was me growing up. Believe it or not, I am 51, but was home schooled back in the dark ages of homeschooling. We had to hide during the day, as a truant officer lived on one side and a policeman on the other. I was raised to think eternally, and about history, about influence and to be responsible and mature. As an adult, I have NEVER regretted that decision, as it girded me up for holy spiritual warfare as an adult. I am not afraid of things like many of my peers. For goodness sakes, to be that different and to be raised “in hiding”, right under the noses of “the enemy” made me realize forever and ever, that I truly AM my Father’s child and He can protect me and guide me. I hope my story can encourage young women to know there is a generation that went before, in the radical 60s and 70s, that didn’t waver, that held fast and can understand their loneliness, but loves them so much for it! My heart and prayers to you all!

    • Holly, your parents were the REAL pioneers, weren’t they! Thanks for the post and I hope it encourages others.

  3. Mr. Davis,
    I searched you up in order to send you an email – watch for a (concise) thank you shortly. But, because your current post is on daughters, I’d like to comment. I’m raising six of them, and the first three of my nine children are daughters. When the first child was found to be a daughter, I nearly panicked. I had assumed that an oldest brother would be coming, someone to assist and, when necessary, defend any younger siblings who would come. Rather, God gave me three girls in a row. And I now consider them, if possible, even more willing to be different than I perceive boys to be. There is something remarkably full of strength about young ladies who essentially want to seek out and grow into who they are with little regard to outward beauty, flattery, head-turning, apology or fear. I didn’t know to expect this, and I see it not only in my daughters but in a number of young ladies in our circles – teen girls who are indeed going on 21 and who recognize their relative loneliness but who aren’t compelled to fill it with common teenage grasping. Rather, they observe their relative ‘aloneness’ and attribute it to God’s choice of the home in which He placed them, assuming that it was done for their own good out of His goodness. And, fortunately for them, they can look at the household on their left and their right and find peers who are walking and waiting in similar ways. Perfect kids, no. Self-satisfied or puffed up? I don’t think so. Just different in ways this Dad didn’t anticipate.

    • Dear Kipt: your comment came while I was overseas, so I apologize for the long time to respond. All I can say is, “May the Lord reward your daughters with the kind of men they have waited for!: Theirs is a new generation and I can only wonder what is coming that the Lord would raise up women such as they are.

    • Dear kipt,

      I am concerned about homeschool girls, like your daughters and myself, who might not have a support network of like-minded friends around them. Would your girls be interested in an online community/blog/network of Christian homeschool girls who would encourage one another in living separately from the world for the glory of Christ? Email me at picturingbritain [at] gmail [dot] com if you think so!

      God bless,
      Abigail

  4. Great insight, Chris, right on the heartbeat. Thank you for such a tender yet powerful message.

    Before I comment, I have a question: Will you write about homeschooled young men? Is there a phenomenon among them, too, or not? I have some ideas floating around, but I know you’re more on the pulse of that, too, and would appreciate your perspective.

    With our oldest four children being daughters (and with seven total daughters right now), I’m grateful for this article. I agree that Godly home educated girls, that “different” breed of young lady in our culture, are definitely an enigma to onlookers. I think my girls have found that, maybe not as much considered snobs, they are simply a novelty of sorts, as it seems people may just not know what to think about or say to them. Many openly show admiration, but usually they are much older people, often of the senior generation. Among peers there seems to be an awkwardness. This surely has not been easy.

    As you said, being separate unto the Lord makes one different, and so in this sense ALL people who are living as the Bride of Messiah truly FEEL different, including home educating parents. However, over the past few years I have had a particular ache in my heart for the young ladies.

    Like a lone princess in an ivory tower, she longs for her prince to arrive as she gazes over the empty landscape. Quite empty… . Yes, she may walk with the Prince of Peace and be her Father’s daughter, but from a little girl she has retained and fostered that wish upon a star – her destiny on this earth. She goes about her business with contentment enough, but always with the glimmer of her hopes and dreams flickering in her spirit…along with that echoing question: Where is my prince? This question sounds among the chorus in our culture of late: Where are the princes? Where are the princes?

    And so much more…. They wonder if they are admired and respected by peers, Christian-but-not-homeschooled cousins, non-Christian extended family, the check-out lady at the grocery store, or the teens at the restaurant. Most of the time (should I say ALL of the time?) they do not FEEL respected but rather feel like the outcast, a Hester Prynne-ish type of underlying reality that they wear as a sign outwardly and as a brand inwardly. Interestingly, they ARE branded – but by the Lord Himself, chosen to be truly different, wholly set apart – not as an adulteress, but as a spotless Bride. If they could only feel like one… . Not to be offensive, but it reminds me of the words of an ‘80’s Mellencamp song, “Hurts so good…Sometimes love don’t feel like it should.” Being set apart by the Lord, as good and noble as it is, often just doesn’t feel good. It can be a lonely road.

    As a mother of several daughters, the best I can ever say is to trust the Lord. Yes, it truly is a walk of faith, like everything else in life. I wish there was something – anything – I could do to make it easier for them, but I just can’t. I can continually point them to Jesus, the Author, Perfecter, Prince, and Bridegroom. I can do a Bible study on Psalm 45 with her when she is 12 years old, to point her in the right direction and attempt to anchor her in the truth. I can teach about true beauty and fulfillment. I can pray. And pray.

    More than 15 years ago, the Lord told me about this generation. It was the most powerful word I have ever received from Him – awesome and thrilling. He has amazing plans for this generation, and my (our) generation He called “the doorway generation.” We are to usher in His presence to this generation, within this open “window,” this season of time. It’s happening, and I can’t wait to see what’s coming. In the meantime, our children may walk a lonely road, and we can pray for them, teach them the Word, speak His timely truths for the moment to them, and point them to His loving arms continually.

    And, we can be encouraged by articles like this, with the faith that there is a purpose to our children’s lonely holiness, that there is a hope and a future. Thank You, Lord, and strengthen, encourage, and bless our daughters.

    • Janis. Sorry to be so long responding, but you know where I have been.

      Ordinarily I would not have attempted to write about the hsed girl since I have only hsed my 3 sons. But, what I noticed as I traveled and spoke sort of forced the article out of me. After reading what you wrote, you should be the one to pick up this theme and continue writing about it. And, after getting to know two of your girls, I was SO impressed, I think they would have a lot to say, too.

      In the past I have heard from boys and some of them have had similar experiences. I wish we could hear from some hsed boys about this issue. As for my own sons, only one has any of the situations we’ve spoken to. But, that son decided to take his giftings into a very ungodly environment (entertainment, where everyone is beautiful and they deal with their loneliness in very ungodly ways). This son is about as “different” as one gets because he stays strong in his convictions which is his way to show Christ to his fellow entertainers.

      Do any of your sons have input into this? Again, thanks for writing and I have been truly blessed to have met Caroline and Abbi! CD

  5. My daughter is eleven yrs. old and she is going through this now. On several occasions recently we attended events where there were girls her age outside of our usual homeschool circle. She tried to make conversation on several interesting topics not related to pop culture. The girls looked at her like she was crazy. They just wanted to talk about Justin Beiber and the latest Disney Channel sitcom. They talked down to her. My girl is very much a people person and she took it hard. I asked her if she would like to have the option of finding out what’s happening in pop culture so she could participate in their conversations. Her answer, “No mom, I don’t want to be like them I want them to be like me.” Her convictions are solid, and her interest are broad. She loves God and she is different. She does have a best friend who is like-minded but they have moved several states away. I feel for my girl. It is difficult for her and on several occasions she has shed tears of frustration. But for her the desire for companionship is not worth compromising her values. I’m proud of her, but it is hard to watch her go through this.

    • Dear Sharon,

      I am concerned about homeschool girls, like your daughter and myself, who are going through this without a support network of like-minded friends around them. Would your daughter be interested in an online community/blog/network of Christian homeschool girls who would encourage one another in living separately from the world for the glory of Christ? Email me at picturingbritain [at] gmail [dot] com if you think so!

      God bless,
      Abigail

  6. Sharon, as a father, I am deeply touched by your daughter’s spirit. I wish there was some way to put her in contact with all the young women I know who have gone before her and who would say, emphatically, “Hang in there, girl, it’s definitely worth being who you are and not like anyone else!”

    These young ladies are showing us what the Bride of Christ looks like. Even though she doesn’t know me, tell her I am very proud of her and I trust she will never waver from the “narrow” path. A future awaits her in Him…

  7. This is fantastic! I am definitely one of “those girls.” Would you mind if I reposted this to my blog (www.differenthomeschoolgirl.blogspot.com) with full attribution to you?

    Thanks!
    Abigail

    • Abigail: feel free to repost. The other day I had the thought that young women like you are allowing the world to get an up-close look at the Bride of Christ.

      • Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.

  8. I was searching on the internet yesterday, trying to find ideas on how to help my daughter – and then the Lord led me to your article. And He confirmed what I suspected all along: that I can pray for her, try to encourage her, listen to her. But, there is nothing I can do to change this for her. This is the path He has her on. It brings to my mind her salvation and baptism. She was saved just before she turned 4 and baptized at 5 (her decision). When she came up out of the water, she was visibly shaking. Thinking she was cold, I immediately wrapped her up in the towel and my arms. When I asked her if she was cold her reply was, “No, Mommy, I’m not cold. I’m just so happy!” It took my breath away. I looked at my little daughter and realized that, yes, the Lord has His hand on her.

    She is 14 going on 30. She wants to do what is right and doesn’t understand when other Christians don’t. She has lost friends to popularity and boys. We have seen her depressed and broken over lost friendships. The rejection has been devastating. She has said she is so tired of being kind and reaching out, only to be rejected. And the thing is, she is right. We know she is reaching out. She invites girls over, only to not have any reciprocation.

    But, there is some good that comes out of this, as the Lord says will happen. On the one hand, yes, she is definitely less confident regarding people and relationships. Hurt, wary, even scared. But, her personal confidence has soared, if that makes sense. She chooses not to wear makeup. She is modest and cute as a button in the way she expresses herself through her clothes. I always say she looks like she works at Whole Foods. 🙂 She is developing her hobbies into businesses and working on her blog to promote them. She communicates very well with adults (and she will be one soon, so this is good!) and is thought highly of among them.

    And, really, I think that most of her peers at church and her other activities, think highly of her (and the other “Lonely Girls”) as well. I don’t think, in general, it’s that these girls are not liked. As you said in the article, and as we have told our daughter, she is different – separate. And everyone knows it.

    Her response to your article? “That’s me. And I hate it.”

    Wow. Strong words. So, is she going to rebel against what the Lord has for her? I don’t think so, but I’m not going to let my guard down and believe that she won’t. She is weary. I must continue to pray for her and keep the lines of communication open. I must always work on my relationship with her, so she will always talk to us.

    I must hold her arms up in the battle.

    Thank you for a wonderful article.

    • Thanks so much for your comments. Of course, your daughter “hates it”. Isn’t that the price, anyway? I have come to believe that the Lord is using young ladies like your daughter to show the world (and the Church) what the Bride of Christ looks like/acts like in a fallen world and in the midst of total confusion and, even, spiritual chaos. How will the Bride know how to prepare herself without those like your daughter showing the way? CD

  9. Wow, chickenoots, I read your comment and was touched for your daughter’s sake. I would love to know what her blog address is so that I could see what she’s up to and what she thinks of all this.

    Sincerely,
    Abigail

    • Hi Abigail!

      I sent you an email via your blog!

      Chickenoots

  10. Thank you so much for posting this. As a “different” homeschool daughter, this article and its comments have made me realize how immensely blessed I am to have a number of like-minded friends.

    Even knowing there are others out there like me, the road I travel is often a lonely one. Even among homeschooled crowds, I often find myself on the sidelines chatting with my peers’ parents. God has granted me favor in the eyes of the adults around me, but among my peers there is much awkwardness. It wasn’t until recently (not fully, still, until I read this) that I put together why I am so different, or why other kids my age shy away from me–I think they are almost intimidated by my confidence with my elders and by my resolve to stand firm in my values.

    In short, I have never been tempted to become like them–I just wish they would be like me.

    A year and a half ago I was at a conference, and there were several of us homeschooled girls who found companionship and fellowship in one another. It was a great blessing and encouragement, and a reminder that I am not alone.

    Would you mind if I, too, reposted this on my blog (thehouseontherock.blogspot.com) with credit and a link?

    Thanks again,
    Olivia

    • Olivia. Thank you for your response. Of course, you may repost and you don’t need to give any credit. Chris Davis

  11. Hello,
    I happened upon your site by accident, but I am glad I did. I am a 17 year young homeschool graduate, and am humbly proud to be a Godly young lady raised in Truth.
    I appreciate your care for us homeschooled gals, but I want to say something that hopefully will encourage you.
    Not all homeschool girls are lonely. To be sure, I have been made fun of extensively, and called “preacher girl” for my firm stand in Christ and my belief in homeschooling. But I am radiant when those kinds of things happen. It means that I must be doing something right. If I was like the world, and they accepted me, I would not be right in Christ’s eyes. =)
    Anyways, I have so many friends, I can’t hardly keep up with them all, and I’m not bragging. =) I am the farthest thing from lonely! I have several young men interested in me, (however, I am waiting for a while!) so I must wholeheartedly and respectfully disagree with you that young ladies who follow Christ are “lonely” for male companionship; whether it be just friendship or a serious relationship.
    I do not mean to be disagreeing in any disgraceful way whatsoever, and I truly hope I have not offended you. I find it refreshing to see someone concerned for the small yet strong homeschool race.
    May God bless you,
    In Christ,
    Miss Anonymous

    • Dear Miss Anon: I am not at all offended, but glad you wrote. What a great testimony! I wish all the girls who have responded to what I wrote could say the same. Unfortunately, there are many who struggle and who need our encouragement to “stay the course”. Your strength is wonderful, but so is the perseverance of those who are not like you. Again, thanks for responding. Your life is a testimony to others.

    • Dear Miss Anon,

      I know where you’re coming from! I have some amazing homeschool friends who have always been there for me and have never made me feel weird. I am concerned about other homeschool girls, though, who might not have a support network of like-minded friends around them. Would you be interested in helping me establish an online community/blog/network of Christian homeschool girls who would encourage one another in living separately from the world for the glory of Christ? Email me at picturingbritain [at] gmail [dot] com if you think so!

      God bless,
      Abigail

  12. This is such a big topic! I see a major need for an online blog/community/support system for this type of girl.

    If you’re a different (living for Jesus, against the flow of the world) homeschool (have been or are being homeschooled) girl (21 years old or younger), you’re probably confused sometimes, maybe even depressed. You probably wonder if there’s anyone else quite like you.

    And there is! So why don’t we all find each other? Why don’t we start a group, community, blog, whatever, and get in touch? Who wants to be part of an online group of likeminded girls who are living differently for the Lord, for the purpose of mutual encouragement and just plain fun?

    Would you like to help me form this group? Please leave a comment at my blog (http://differenthomeschoolgirl.blogspot.com/2011/08/question-for-all-of-you-different-ones.html) and let me know!

    -Abigail

  13. Abigail. I think this is how “social networking” could be helpful to all of you. I have often wondered if a group like this would eventually get started. Good idea…

    • Thank you, Chris! I have been getting a pretty amazing response from the girls I’ve contacted about this so far. I’m looking forward to what God will do with this.

      • Abigail (or it is “Abby”?), If you would like some help, I can feature your blog on my Facebook page. I wouldn’t assume you want me to do this, so let me know If you want me to.

  14. Wow, Chris, that would be great! If you wanted to, you could link directly to this post: http://differenthomeschoolgirl.blogspot.com/2011/08/question-for-all-of-you-different-ones.html

    (Abby is fine!)

    • How GOD works to bring so many beautiful hearts together! My mom just came across Mr. Davis’ blog the other day and in reading through it found the orignal article reposted, along with all these wonderful comments. Ironically (or shall we rather say, Sovereignly?) the LORD prompted me to set up a blog just this new year so I could share what He had taught me after last semester at Bible College.
      You can read some of it at: betweentheleafs.wordpress.com.
      I’m definitely interested in connecting and fellowshipping with some more homeschooled young ladies like myself.

      Ladies, we aren’t just “different”, we are sanctified- set apart for the purpose of being made holy. Every believer is meant to be transformed in this process, but GOD has chosen some of us girls to begin this sanctification process at a young age. No, it is not easy. I personally have experienced the enemy take the feelings of loneliness, foreignness, and others to twist me and wound me inside. Being introverted, intrapersonal, quirky, sober-minded at times definitely enhanced my vulnerability. But that same hunger for eternal, meaningful things is what allowed the LORD to heal me and finally make me whole in soul. Yes, it is absolutely worth it, because the King of our lives fights for us, and the Lover of our souls died for us. Yes, He is coming back, and we sanctified “Brides” are called to live a life in preparation of His return. Even now, my heart nearly bursts at the thought of finally seeing with my eyes One who has spoken so tenderly to my heart, shaped my character with such deep purpose, and walked faithfully with me through absolutely everything in my life. My encouragement, sisters: do not be ashamed, for He is not ashamed to call you His own, and there is no one better you could belong to. ❤

      He made you with meticulous care. Why? Because He wanted a girl exactly as you are – and so He made you. Why? To love you, and be loved by you. "…just as He chose [you] in Him before the foundation of the world, that [you] should be holy and without blame before Him in love…" Ephesians 1:4

  15. I am 13.. i have been through alot.. i trust in god that my future will be better but i cant help but to loose faith everybody is saying ive changed im home schooled in tn. i have put my trust in to many people i was rapped at age 6 i dont have lots of friends just one an some family members. everybody treats me like nothing i feel so worthless all the time. i always loose that one thing i love. i hate my past an i hate myself so much.. plz. i ask god the same thing…Whats wrong with me? What did i do to deserve such pain? Im not being a drama queen im lonley an im hurting i tried sucide but i never found myself to umm completing that.. plz help):

  16. Dear unknown. Where are you and how can I reach out to you? Bad things have happened to all of us because we live in a world where people hurt one another. And, when we get hurt, we think there is something wrong with us that we got hurt. But, that is not the truth. One thing I DO know is that you have great worth to your real Father. We can make the world a better place for others because we understand other people’s pain because we have experienced pain, ourselves.

  17. Dear unknown — Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your situation. You’ve done the right thing, for sure, and it’s obvious that the Lord Himself led you to this blog so you could reach out and have others reach out to you, too. As Chris has asked you, I also ask if you would share a specific email or other ways for people who care very much to be able to help you.

    When people hurt us, especially when we’re young and if it’s especially private or deep, we feel “stained,” like we’re inherently “wrong” just for being born. That “stained” feeling is called shame, and unfortunately the devil uses that in a HUGE way to make us believe his lies. It’s a lie that we’re “worthless.” It’s a lie that we’re “nothing.” It’s a lie that we, just for being alive, are “wrong.” And on and on…. so many ugly lies.

    I’m sure you’ve heard the truth that God loves you — but, that’s sometimes the hardest thing to believe! Probably because it’s the greatest TRUTH, and the devil surely does not want anyone to believe it. Your Daddy God is nothing like what most people think He is, because He’s perfect Love, and no one can really understand that. But, I guess that’s what faith is — believing in things we hope for, evidence of things we have NOT seen — especially when we’ve been so hurt and have seen ugliness, lies, and loneliness.

    Besides God’s love for you, another thing is sure — You are NOT alone. No, you are not alone. Not only is God with you always, the One who NEVER leaves you or rejects you, but there are other people who can relate to what you feel and have experienced. This blog site is one example, and there are many others who understand your feelings and who really, truly care. If you feel okay with it, you can let others know how to reach you.

    If you don’t mind, I’d like to bless you. I hope that doesn’t sound weird, but since I’m a mother, the Lord gave me this blessing to give to His children, and YOU are His child. It’s really a song, but I want to encourage you to write the words down, personalize it every day as you speak it out loud to yourself, and let the Lord open your spirit to hear Him “singing” this over you, into you, through you. Here it is:

    You are
    a blessing from the Lord,
    His joy and His reward,
    His passion and His treasure.

    You’re chosen
    and taught by the Lord,
    destined for so much more
    than this world could ever offer.

    And great will be your peace!
    You’re blessed to be a blessing,
    loved to be a lover
    of all…..
    Great will be your peace….
    Great is your peace.

    Please let this bless you, and know that it’s all true — It’s what the Lord says about you, and to you. One more thing, straight from the Word of God in Isaiah 54:13, I encourage you to say this, inserting your name in the blank:
    “_________ is taught by the Lord, and great is [my] peace.”

  18. Dear Unknown. There is a young lady who would like to contact you and she asked me to give you her email address. I don’t want to make her email address public so won’t put it here. If you are interested in my passing your contact info on to her (or her email address to you), you can email it to me at chris@homeschooltravel.com

  19. I read this article several years ago, when I was that girl. I think I cried at the time. Though it didn’t fix everything it certainly helped just to know I wasn’t alone…surely if someone could that accurately describe ME and how I felt, then I wasn’t alone. Thank you for that.
    I stumbled on this again today and it stirred my heart again. I have three younger sisters who are all at various stages of being that girl, and even though I am now married, I am still that girl. It doesn’t sting to be different like it did then, perhaps I’m not as different now or perhaps I am just more comfortable being myself (my early twenties has seemed to have that effect on me) but I still know I have been set apart, called to more.
    My Mom has urged me for years to write a devotional book for homeschooled christian teen girls, and now I feel God may be calling me to something even bigger for them. Finding your article again has been a sort of confirmation of that. Your article has deeply touched me for a second time, at completely different stages of life. Thank you again.

    • Kelsa, Thanks so much for your kind remarks. I encourage you to write your devotional as it sounds like the Lord has put that on your heart. Even if such writings help one girl, your efforts would be invaluable. Please let me know if/when you have done this.

      Have a great summer. CHRIS DAVIS

  20. You know when your at church and they’re reading a certain section and teaching a specific topic and you feel like it’s just for you because it relates to your situation, that’s what it felt like reading this.
    – A (Lonely) homeschooled 14 year old girl..

    • Dear anonymous: Thank you for your post. I am sure you already know that this situation is experienced by boys as well and I am reminded of that by the posts I receive from them. There was a day when most young people had a common idea of life. Today, young people wanting to follow God have continual waves of worldliness swamping them with alternate lifestyles. One thing I can tell you is that every one of the young people I referenced in this blog post found God to be faithful and they are not sorry at all for how they waited for Him. May the Lord give you a passion for Him and His ways. CD


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